my thoughts are like ivy vines
growing uncontrollably
winding tightly around me
weaving through my rib cage
binding my lungs
slithering through the cracks in my heart
crawling up my throat
wrapping around my tongue so i can't speak
suffocating me
slowly
oh so damned slowly
feeling every slither of every leaf all at once and all the time
it starts in my chest
a tightness, an ache
like my rib cage has shrunk and there isn't room for my lungs to expand, my heart pounding, bruising against the bones
next it travels to my hands
a jittery, restless feeling
taut like a wire stretched
strained, shaking
tense, locking
tighter and tighter
nails biting palms
my stomach feels as though it has jumped into my throat, leaving my abdomen painfully hollow, thoughts flitting like butterflies from my brain to the empty cavity
my legs are Jenga towers, one wrong move away from crumbling
my thoughts are a tornado, like a rock avalanche drumming, like hail stones pounding, like dead leaves swirling, spinning faster and faster
my heart pounds faster and faster
my breath comes faster and faster
i'm trapped
i can't move
there is a storm screaming inside my head
but i can't move
why are you still beating?
a mass of purple bruises and bloodied scars
cracks widening with each persistent thump
why do you still care?
still bearing others' burdens on top of your own
still feeling pain at another's suffering
why do you still trust?
why do you still let people in
even after they've already left their mark, their scar
why are you still dreaming?
still reaching for the stars even as they fade away
still taking that leap knowing full well it is always followed by the fall
why are you still holding onto hope?
still looking for love
still believing in some kind of happily ever after
my ribs wrap about you like a cage, trying to crush you
my lungs stretch against you like stifling plastic, trying to steal air
my thoughts swirl like a tsunami storm, trying to drown you
and still
you beat
