Beautiful Mess

I'm a mess

 

I'm an utter klutz! I spill, break, or knock over anything and everything within a five foot radius. I trip over my own feet, I get stuck in the snow, I fall off of chairs, swings, tables: basically anything that is off of the ground. I can spill coffee that has a lid on it. I have cut my mouth with toast. I'm an expert at hurting myself in stupid, bizarre ways. I'm a may-just-be-the-next-generations-definition-of-klutzy klutz.

 

I'm a mess

 

 I am, more than I care to admit to people, an emotional wreck. I tend to get upset over little things. I cry and laugh easily. I also tend to hide if I'm struggling. I don't like telling other people that I am in a very rough place, that I am lost or hurt. I just can't do it. But I still feel things easily and deeply. Movies and books make me cry and I laugh long and loud over little things. I'm an emotional basket case.

 

I'm a mess

 

I also struggle with jealousy, envy, and selfishness. I tend to compare myself to others, judge myself based on what I see others doing. I get jealous of other people's looks, talents, personalities and their confidence. I tend to look for love and support from my friends rather than seeking to love and support them. I tend to feel sorry for myself and lately, I've been struggling with guilt and feelings of worthlessness. I wonder why God bothered to put me on earth. I wonder what good I could possibly be doing. I doubt my worth and I even occasionally doubt if God could love me.

 

So yes, I am a complete, utter mess. But that is not all I am.

 

Last night I watched a new movie called, "Mom's Night Out" (Highly recommend it for anyone! Great film! One of the best modern movies I have seen in a long time!) Toward the end there was one scene that really struck me. I'm going to post it below, so you can see it, but the scene is when everything has gone completely wrong. The night has turned out horribly. Allyson (the mom) is blaming herself, saying how she just isn't enough. Bones, a biker friend of Allyson's half-sister-in-law (it's complicated, watch the movie :) ) listens for a moment. When she's finished he speaks up.

 

 

 

I'll admit, I shed some tears watching this scene. A ray of light shone through the dark fog I had been struggling with. I realized something: Yes, I was a mess but that's okay! God made me just as I am. He loves me, just as I am, klutzy, emotional, selfish, screwed up human being that I am. Nothing will ever change his love for me. Nothing!

 

I'm going to end with a quote from the movie. Right at the end, Allyson sits down to write a blog post. She ends the post with theses words, which I feel sum up what I am trying to say pretty well:

 

 

So embrace the beautiful mess that you are. God loves that mess. I love that mess. It's what makes us each so special. We are beautiful messes. And that's just perfect.



 

 



It's Okay

 

You smile, but your heart is breaking

You laugh, but your soul is crying

You're breaking

Falling

Hurting

The sun is out, but your mind is dark

The air is warm, but you still shiver

You're Cold

Alone

Shattered

You kick yourself, feeling guilty and ashamed

Why can't you find your way out?

You're scared

Confused

Desolated

You want to be tough

You want to be strong

But your heart is still cracked

Your emotions are still raging

You feel insecure

You feel fragile

You put on a brave face

Thinking it will go away

But it doesn't

You don't have to be strong

You don't have to go it alone

It's okay to be a little lost

You don't have to be so tough

You're not alone

You're not worthless

You're human

You are special

You are loved

Someone's waiting to help you

Someone loves you more than you know

You can let your walls down

It's okay not to be okay

You're not alone

You're not alone

Someone loves you

Someone cares

It's okay to be broken

It's okay to be fragile

It's okay

Love

Now, I mentioned in my first blog that I am a Christian. Considering that this blog is about my thoughts, I should probably share some of my thoughts on my faith.

Now you should now that my beliefs have changed quite a bit the last few months. I really began to think about things and figure out what I myself believed and where I stood on certain issues. I must admit my beliefs underwent some definite morphing; that's part of what inspired me to start this blog. Mainly, my point of view on certain things shifted and my understanding became clearer.

To start, I do believe in the foundational Christian beliefs: In Jesus' life, death, and resurrection. I believe man has sinned against God and deserve punishment. But I also believe that God and Jesus loved us enough for Jesus to come and die so he could give us his perfection as our own to be saved from separation from God.

Now, I also believe that Jesus did not come to earth to teach us morals. The only thing Jesus taught was love. A lot of Christians seem to get caught up in a checklist of do's and don'ts. They seem to think that in order to be "good Christians" they need to check off all these things on their spiritual checklist. I believe the only thing Jesus taught Christians to do was love. That was it. That was his essential teaching. But a fair number of Christians today seem to be more worried about making it to church on Sunday than stopping and helping the car stranded on the side of the road. That's backwards!!! That's not Christianity. That is religion. Yes, the two are different. Religion is a list of do's and don'ts for us to follow to get to heaven. Christianity is about love: the love of Christ for us and the love we should have for others. It's about what he did to save us not what we do to save ourselves our earn God's favor.

When Jesus was on earth, he spent time with all the "sinners". He only ever chastised the church. Why? Because the church didn't know how to love! Jesus' message, his teachings are all about love! They're not about doing this and not doing that. That was Moses. Jesus came to free us from the do's and don'ts by showing us that love is the answer. Love is what the gospel is all about, what Christianity is all about.

There is something worse than losing your virginity. There is something worse than being a homosexual. These is something worse than breaking one of the ten commandments. There is something worse than missing church on Sunday. The worst thing a Christian, or anyone at that matter, can do is get so caught up in "being good" that they forget to love. Love is the most important thing in life and not loving is the only thing Jesus would not tolerate.

Now, I am in no way trying to discredit or accuse Christians. I don't think they are bad people, I don't think they are idiots or willful twisters of the gospel. That is not at all what I am saying. The only thing I am saying is that I think that often the gospel is not clearly or (in some situations) accurately presented by the Church.

And I am not saying that I know everything and have it all figured out. I most certainly do not. The only thing I am trying to do is share what I have recently discovered about the Christian faith as I understand it. This blog is simply my humble opinion and limited understanding. I advise you take this post with a grain of salt and come to your own conclusion.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."
-John 3:16-17
 

 "“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

-Luke 10:41-42

"Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown."
-Luke 7:47

 ^"Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself."
-Matthew 22:37-39

So, today, instead of worrying about not committing this sin or forgetting to do that good thing, just love. Love your parents. Love your kids. Love your friends. Love the stranger you pass on the sidewalk. Love that person who annoys you. Love, and remember Jesus, the embodiment of true love.

True Beauty

One of the common topics in today's society is beauty. We are constantly looking for ways to make ourselves more attractive. Nice clothes, cute hairstyles, good make up, and all sorts of other things. But the things is, that's not beauty. That's simply physical attractiveness. Beauty is something much more than that. So what is beauty?

Beauty is Joy.
When I see people who are smiling, who are laughing,  who are enjoying life and appreciating it's wonder, I immediately think they are beautiful. A joyful heart is a beautiful heart. A joyful face is a beautiful face. And I am not talking about happiness, which more often than not relies completely on circumstances. I am talking about true joy, which finds something to be happy about, something to be grateful for in every and any situation. True joy springs from gratefulness for what we have. And joy is one of the most beautiful things to see.

Beauty is Love of Self.
I'm not talking about arrogance here, or loving yourself, as the joke goes, "like Kanye loves Kanye". I'm talking about accepting youself for who you are and loving the person God made you to be. Those who love themselves have a confident beauty. They know that they are worth something, and that they are beautiful no matter what anyone else may say. They have confidence in themselves and believe that they can make a difference. That kind of confidence is beautiful.

Beauty is Love of others.
Nothing is more beautiful than love. Love, a caring for others, is truly the absolute most beautiful thing in the world. People who are kind, who love freely, openly, is the most beautiful thing you will ever see. Love is, truly, what makes the world go round. If it weren't for love, none of us would be here. If it weren't for love, life wouldn't be worth living. If it weren't for love, we would be nothing. Love is the epitome of all things good, of all things true, and of all things beautiful.

Now, just to clarify, beauty is not important. At least, beauty in the sense that our society sees it in is not important. To me the beauty that matters is the beauty of the heart. The beauty of joy and love. The beauty of a heart that cares, that feels, that loves. That is the only type of beauty you should ever strive to reach. And believe me, it is the only beauty that matters.